We’d hate to see a dogless White House
By Ava Agata Gorecki
With tensions running high during this post-apocalyptic inaugural season, we turn to a gentler speculation of what will be introduced into the White House. Speculations of the canine kind.
Our future Puppy Of The United States is predicted by the extensively studied and exhaustive Get Leashed polls. Very good polls. Very fair and real polls. This is not fake news. With the departure of the Obama’s Portuguese Water Dog Bo (and Sunny!) and Hillary’s defeat to the Donald, the White House is going to need a new reigning bitch.
We would recommend a First Cat but we know what the POTUS likes to do with p*ssies.
We’ve narrowed it down to two YUGE, important choices:
The Chow Chow
The Chow Chow, imported all the way from Chi-na. This pup may be the white flag we need to bridge our cultural conflicts. We would preferably like to have it come in an atomic tangerine tinted fur. They say owners and their dogs start to resemble one another, and the POTUS is no stranger to a puffy face. A list of possible names for this regal rascal include: Wally, Fox and Bitler.
The Black Russian Terrier
How about a Black Russian Terrier? We will not be surprised if this breed ends up the top dog considering the preferential treatment of its home nation’s leader. We will, however, be thoroughly impressed by the progressive fur choice. We’re not sure the president will be okay sharing his legacy with a pup that doesn’t reflect his “priorities” – but we choose to remain optimistic. A list of possible names for the Soviet stud include: Yalta, Pooty, and Raspoochtin.
Will there be the pitter-patter of little paws running through the white house? And we’re not talking hands. One can only hope. In the meantime we’re looking to our new POTUS to make America Bark Again.