Does Your Dog Watch?

The great debate on where the dog goes when the room heats up

By Leslie Phelan

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Photo credit: Cilia Ridley

Extra eyeballs in the room during sex: super hot for some, kinda weird for others. I, for one, am a girl that is definitely of the mind that anyone not directly participating isn’t welcome to watch. That shouldn’t be taken as an invitation to participate, though; as far as I’m concerned, no one is invited into the room except for me and my main squeeze. I don’t share, and I don’t let anyone watch. Greedy? Yup. Vanilla? Sure. Prudish? Whatever – I guess you’ll never know unless you dig up a certain secret stash of DVD-Rs circa 2008 that might still live in my old CD book. Meh.

tumblr_n808zeQaTk1tuifffo1_500I think there are varying levels of exhibitionism. Some people love to put on a show, others kind of like that they’re putting on a show, some don’t mind if people can see what they’re doing, and others prefer for the door to be closed and for the peanut gallery to be non-existent. That’s where I land; call me old-fashioned, but I won’t even let the dog watch.

“He likes to let his dog watch us,” said my friend over a cup of green tea the other day, talking about the new guy she’d picked up at the off-leash park and had begun enjoying no-strings hook-ups with. “He’s really hot, and the sex is really engaging . . . but there have been times when I’ve felt this weird sense that he’s mostly using me to show off in front of his dog.”

We both paused for a second, then burst out into riotous laughter, shooting hot matcha out our noses. She described a point during their last tryst when he had her bent over the kitchen counter, going for broke. But when she looked back to wink and lick her lips, she caught him staring right into the eyes of his German shepherd with a grin that was definitely meant to be teasing and mocking the fixed and ball-less dog.

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Photo credit: Lions Gate

“He was like Christian Bale in American Psycho; same crazy-sexy narcissistic glare, but instead of admiring himself in the mirror while he gave it to me, he was flexing for Fritz!”

She was laughing, but I think deep down she actually felt used and cheap. I wanted to be sensitive and offer some kind of helpful advice, but there was just one question tugging at me: “What did Fritz do?” I asked.

“Panted,” she replied. Apparently ‘Fritzie’ (as he is called), just panted the whole time and yelped every now and again whenever they switched positions. His eyes were fixed on his owner, and his owner’s eyes were fixed on him. No one’s eyes were on my beautiful friend.

She never saw him again. Or, at least, never admitted it to me. She is kind of a sucker for inattentive guys though. For all I know, Fritzie is feasting his eyes on some sweaty backsides as we speak.

While researching for this piece, I’ve found that many dog-having people I know don’t see anything odd about letting the dog stay in the room when nookie time hits. Some don’t even see a problem with the dog being in the bed for it, if the dog is accustomed to being in the bed anyhow. Now don’t get me wrong, I think there is a time and a place for puppy love–but during human sex is not one of them. I guess some of us like to combine all of our favorite things, while others prefer to draw a very unmistakable line in the sand between our love for human and animal. I definitely know where I fall. Where do you?