How High-Maintenance is the Animal in Your Life?

Take this quiz to find out if your pet is furry royalty

By Leslie Phelan

furryroyalty1

To have a pet is to accept that there is a four-legged being in your life that has its own needs and desires, and that it is YOU who is responsible for meeting them. Do you have a chill, low-maintenance furry companion? Or do you have a little monarch in your midst who’d make the kids of Growing Up Gotti feel hard done by?

Food:

a.) standard dry food
b.) premium dry food
c.) standard dry food & wet food on top combo
d.) premium dry food & wet food on top combo
e.) human food
f.) raw kangaroo steaks (or some other crazy expensive gluten-free, hormone-free, all natural alternative)

Sleep:

a.) Has own bed on floor
b.) Has own bed on chair/couch
c.) The foot of your bed
d.) Half of your bed
e.) Most of your bed and stealing almost all of your covers
f.) Your bed and all of your covers, while you sleep on the chair/couch/floor with a fleece throw and a decor pillow

Cuddles:Screen Shot 2015-02-17 at 4.49.36 PM

a.) Likes to nuzzle you, but won’t let you hold them
b.) Lets you hold them, but not carry them around
c.) Lets you cuddle and carry them around
d.) Needs non-stop cuddles and to be carried around
e.) Demands cuddles & carries, and whines until they get them
f.) Demands all your attention, gets mad if you go on car rides without them

Guests:

a.) Stays hidden while you have company over
b.) Comes out for a bit, just to see who you’ve allowed into their home
c.) Comes out wanting treats and pats from your company
d.) Comes out wanting cuddles and lots of attention from your company
e.) Greeted your guests at the door, has been firmly planted on laps the whole time
f.) Has been out the whole time, but is less interested in attention from your company than they are in distracting you and  staying firmly planted on your lap/following you around at your feet

Poops:

a.) Drops their #2s promptly and efficiently in appropriate places, like on park grass
b.) Drops their #2s promptly and efficiently, but sometimes in awkward places like on the sidewalk where people have to step around you
c.) Drops their #2s after they’ve had a good sniff around the park and feel adequate enough that they’ve found the perfect spot, or under the dining room table
d.) Drops their #2s on the walk back home, on the sidewalk, after having been given lots of time to find the perfect spot in the park, or behind the couch
e.) Drops their #2s under the kitchen table or on the foyer rug because they don’t feel like going outside, or pees on the couch
f.) They went outside, they had a good play with their friends but didn’t poop until they were back inside, in the warm hallway of your home

Screen Shot 2015-02-17 at 4.50.53 PMEntertainment:

a.) Plays with their toys, takes a really long time to wear through them
b.) Plays with their toys, but wears through them pretty quickly
c.) Playing with their toys is only fun if they’re tearing them apart
d.) Likes to play with toys and also eat furniture
e.) Destroys furniture, steals embarrassing things like underwear to drag it into the living room when company is over
f.) Destroys furniture for fun, steals your most expensive shoes to chew

Mostly a’s: Independent Creature

Your pet is a little standoffish, but it probably suits you fine since pets are usually, to a degree, a reflection of their owners. They aren’t picky or complicated; they just are.

Mostly b’s: Copacetic Companion

You have a chill, easy-to-please pet in your life that makes a great companion and gives you love without cramping your style. Congrats if you raised them this way!

Mostly c’s: Love Monkey

You basically have the ideal pet for a gregarious human to have: It loves attention and loves giving affection, and stays on excellent terms with the other people and pets in your life by being cute, snuggly, and never snobby.

Mostly d’s: Cuddle Monster

Your pet is a furry ball of love with its own agenda, and wont rush or hurry around for anyone or anything. Although when they want something from you, like a game of fetch or to be picked up, they expect you to respond with the utmost urgency.

Mostly e’s: Devastatingly Domesticated

It is quite clear that there is no way your pet would survive out in the woods on its own unless it was given a cozy bed and a servant to bring it food, water, and treats. Known to be a little snobby at times for no apparent reason, you love this pet because you know that if it is being sweet on you, it’s because it truly wants to be.

Mostly f’s: Furry Royalty/Royal Pain

Your pet is supremely high-maintenance, needy, and sheltered, and is used to getting whatever it wants. If you are a wealthy person, then this pet is probably a bigger jet-setter than most humans and is doted on not just by you, but by top-notch groomers and dog-walkers alike. And if you are a person of average means, this probably means your dog eats, lounges, and sleeps better and in higher style than even you. You have created a spoiled but lovable monster; take care of yourself because if for whatever reason this pet outlives you, then God bless whoever gets the responsibility of taking care of this little Prince/Princess in your stead.

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