Violet turns a New Year’s tradition on its ear
By Rachel Simpson
Like the rest of us, Violet started 2016 with the best of intentions: she was going to spend the next 12 months improving herself, and laid out a handful of resolutions to help her in that regard. Unfortunately, here we are, it’s not even February, and she’s already abandoned her list. And not just abandoned it – but formally and explicitly embraced its antithesis! Here then, are Violet’s Anti-Resolutions.
Over the lips, past the gums
Violet was going to try to eat healthier this year, which really means just eating less people food and fewer unidentified street morsels. But after a recent – and pleasant – encounter with the Vet’s scale, Vi learned that a life without willpower is a lot more fun. Which means there’s only one thing left to say: Are you gonna finish that?
Recognizing that the new addition to the family required far more attention than she did, Violet was going to relinquish some of her lap time to her baby brother. But she isn’t really a fan of him yet (he’s getting louder and more grab-happy by the week), so she’s decided to reclaim her favorite lap. Her brother needs to practice sitting unassisted anyway.
Rainy Day Fund
Violet was also going to sit on her money, especially with the Canadian dollar in the dumps as of late. But why? She doesn’t have any bills, doesn’t own a car, doesn’t have a retirement to save for. So why not splurge a little? Why not buy herself some peonies and a new cashmere sweater? Exactly. No reason not to.
Do Not Disturb
What with all the morning chaos in the apartment, Violet was going to have to wake with the rest of us. But with her access to the bed reduced, she’s decided to make good on her time wrapped in the covers. So while the rest of the house is bustling away, Violet is a pig in a blanket, content to go nowhere until the prospect of breakfast is too strong to ignore.
Life Without Borders
This one isn’t really her fault. Violet was going to try and stay off the furniture this year. But the couch didn’t feel right without her on it, and she’s just easier to pet when she’s table-high, so while it flies in the face of any dog trainer’s advice, Violet is back on the furniture. To be fair, we’ve never really thought of her as a dog anyway.
Peas in a Pod
Violet recognized pretty quickly that her little brother was going to demand a lot of her mom’s time. But he’s been around almost a year now, and while Vi made a resolution to not compete for her mom’s attention, she can’t stick to it. In fact, she’ll go to great lengths to get a few fleeting moments of attention, even coordinating outfits in an adorable and undeniable play for affection.