Who’s A Good Boy? B*tchy Behavior Only Dogs Can Get Away With
By Ava Agata Gorecki
He abruptly awakes you in the morning, whining for you to prepare breakfast. Without thanking you for the meal, he disappears into another room. Instead of a kiss before you head to work, you see him squatting, legs shaking and defecating on the living room floor. You sigh, clean it up, and think, “Why do I even put up with this?” Why? Because all these otherwise horrid actions are courtesy of your adorable pet and not your human partner. Here are 6 behaviors we tolerate from our lovable pets that we wouldn’t from our significant others.
Our struggle is real.
You just left for two minutes to check the mailbox and there he is at the door, whining away like a rusty hamster wheel. Being guilted for leaving the house is only acceptable if it’s coming from your doe-eyed fur babe. Your pet may impose their love on you a little too hard as they have no perception of time or personal space, but your partner shouldn’t be hounding you every hour–unless it’s to ask if you want tacos.
You may have to control your dog on the leash while she passes other pups, but you shouldn’t have to metaphorically muzzle your partner. Who needs a girlfriend that acts catty, snappy and growls at every girl that passes by? Only a pet is precious enough to own you. You may have a confrontational canine female dog, but you don’t have to deal with a confrontational human female dog.
It’s sort of cute when your dog is under the table begging for a piece of pie, but it’s not so adorable when your boo-thang is doing the same at the jewelry counter. Your dog may not be able to hold down a full time gig at the squeeze toy factory, but we can overlook that because she’s, well, a dog. We would much rather a bone digger than a gold digger.
You know when you try to smooch your kitty and they give you the ultimate rejection; the face push?
You shouldn’t have to chase them, coerce them with treats, trick them into your arms and force your love on them. Cats are naturally aloof and their spunky independence is endearing. They are the only ones allowed unrequited love. If you’re getting a kitty push to the heart, it’s time to push your partner to the curb.
You can’t have any pee-ce in the bathroom without seeing their little paw under the door or having them wrapped around your legs. They follow you around every room and seem to be lying on top of anything you’re working on. Imagine if our pets could go through our phones or drive by our house real slow when we don’t text back? They’d basically be our stalkers. I guess letting them be voyeurs in the bedroom isn’t so bad in comparison.
When you wake up in the middle of the night and step on a warm mystery pile, you’re hoping beyond hope that it’s just a soggy tissue or a wet muffin. It’s not. It’s poop. Now imagine you didn’t own a pet. Hopefully your partners have better bathroom habits. There is definitely no way to accept a partner that uses the living room as their personal port-a-potty. (Except for that one drunken pee in the closet).
Although the answer to the question of why we put up with these little fur balls may be intangible, one thing is for sure: every ruined slipper and coughed up fur-ball is worth it. The power lies in their little bean paws and wet noses. If somehow humans could make sniffing each other’s butts and humping legs adorable and not problematic, then maybe we would be okay with it too…maybe.