Are these items taking it too far — or do you have no shame?
By Ava Agata Gorecki
In a world where everything has been done, what do we have left to invent? It would seem that some humans are increasingly putting their creative talents and evidently, their free time, towards making their pets and themselves look certifiably bonkers. Here at Get Leashed, we have scientifically rated the most ridiculous pet products on the interweb based on usefulness and/or level of lunacy. Have things gone too far?
Here are 7 of our favorite solutions without a problem:
The Hot Doll Doggy Sex Toy
Your leg must have seen some things if you have to resort to this sexual aid for your fluffy philanderer. We’re really proud that you’re letting your dog express their sexuality so freely, yet so unnecessarily, although I guess we’d rather you have him do it in the house than running through the streets getting other puppies pregnant. Now, are you really sure this is for the dog?
6/10 Milk Bones
Rear Gear Butthole Cover
In today’s offendable society, why not add a dog’s butthole to the mix? Sure, some people in this world don’t have clean water to drink, but let’s not worry about that when there is a furry, EXPOSED BUTTHOLE to cap. You may want to go one step further and spritz your favorite scent on Fluffy’s balloon knot, as we all know that buttholes are actually supposed to smell like flowers. If you think it’s necessary to fancy up your doggy’s derriere, you may want to reevaluate your current state of mind.
2/10 Beautiful Buttholes (I have never written “butthole” so many times in my life.)
The Pet High Chair
You know how we always feel bad for the person eating alone? I think it’s also time we feel bad for the person eating with their dog in a pet high chair. The chair claims to “satisfy a mutual desire for companionship” and promotes “refined behaviour.” I don’t know how mutual strapping down an animal to enjoy a meal with you is. They forget to add “will make you look bananas.”
3/10 Who Hurt Yous
The Cat Stroller
As if your neighbors haven’t questioned your strange behavior enough, what with your lawn full of hand-painted gnomes and monthly dances in the moonlight. Surely a cat stroller won’t have them crossing the street when they see you pushing your pussy pram. This stroller is a safe way to let your cat experience the world while keeping him contained in a squishy, netted prison. Why does everything you love leave you?
6/10 Lonely Glasses of Wine
Bacon Bubble Blower
If thousands of years on earth have evolved us to do anything, it’s to create bacon-flavored bubbles for our bow-wows. Bubbles are a summer favorite and can be quite bitter for our furry pals. But I mean, they also eat your old cheesy-smelling slippers so who actually knows what their refined palate is keen on? Is this safe for human consumption? Asking for a friend.
10/10 Shut Up And Take My Monies
The Poo Trap
I can get behind this innovation as bending is my second least favorite exercise, after rolling over to reach the charger cord. I don’t want to poopoo this product, but the set-up seems more strenuous than the gracefully performed bend-and-snap required to have you remain a decent member of society. If you’re a user of this product you may want to bend over to see where you dropped your shame.
5/10 Look Mom, No Hands
The Goldfish Walker
Even though you spent hundreds of dollars building a fish paradise for your slippery sidekick, sometimes submerged castles and plastic seaweed just isn’t enough; you can tell that your aquatic acquaintance wants to be exposed to some good ol’ fashioned vitamin D. The Goldfish Walker will allow you take your pet fish outside in the sun to enjoy long walks on the beach. You should get used to walking only with your fish because likely no one else will do this with you after this purchase.
10/10 Do You See Them Now?
A few more dishonorable mentions include the Dogone Fart Neutralizing Dog Thong, Purr Detector Collar, and the Bow-Lingual Bark Translator.
What is your guilty pleasure pet product? Let us know and tag your shame publicly on Insta @getleashed!